There is only one thing that is equal for all humans. We come from different DNA pools, cultural experiences, religious influences, national origin and environments. Even twins have different life experiences and personalities. Each unique life is woven by the individual’s experience. When something happens that interrupts that weaving process, perhaps a death or a trauma event, that event becomes a “hole” cut or burned into the fabric of life.
Grief is not a problem to be solved.
It is not a situation to be overcome.
It is the natural response to something we have lost.
It is wishing for a different yesterday, longing for that which can not be, making the adjustment to what is.
It is a journey.
God walks it with us.
Grief is a very complex experience for all human kind. The mystery of how it affects each human by emotional response, length of time to grieve and what to expect when grieving has been a ministry challenge for decades.
She could not have been more than 5 years old. She was looking through enormous binoculars which she held steadily in her very small hands. If she was a bird watcher – she would have had “Good Glass.” Someone had invested in a very high end visual enhancement tool. I wondered how she could even lift them – much less could hold them for such a long time. I feared that if she allowed them to drop from her hand – with the strap around her neck – the apparent weight ...
I was standing in the kitchen watching the hostess finish the last two trays of food when, as a good guest would say, “Your yard and decorations are so lovely.” Her reply was, “Oh, I repurpose”. At which point she lifted one of the trays, handed it to me and off we went to the beautiful back yard.
As the party was winding down – yet another guest complimented the hostess on the lovely way the area had been decorated. Here was her reply. “I try to repurpose things...
I was attending a conference on adoption where the nonprofit known as Brave Penny told their story of Birthmothers finding abundant life after choosing to gift their child through adoption to another family. The name – Brave Penny came from Brave – the decision to choose life and adoption for their child and Penny – the name of a lady whose death was the driving force of a grief recovery ministry in North Texas.
In October of 2005, my nephew, Jacob Holliday passed away at the tender age of four. We knew the prior two weeks up to his death that he was in a battle for his life. However, nothing can prepare you for the phone call from a loved one and the words, “the doctors have told us this morning that they are out of options. You need to get to Nashville asap.” Time stood still and it felt like my heart did too. I will never forget it as long as I live. I had to let my boss know I had to leave and take my bereavement time and any additional time deemed necessary.
A woman of faith who chose adoption for her child said just a few years ago, “We need to change the dialogue about adoption. We can change the perception by just speaking truth about the event. By using honest terminology without judgement, we can transform lives.” Her choice to gift her child was not shame based. Her choice was the recognition that she wanted her child to have both a mother and father who could provide a stable and loving home, which she wisely understood to be unrealistic in her circumstances.
If you think that one of your loved ones is suicidal – ask them to tell you about the hurt. Not if it hurts, or do you hurt or where does it hurt? Ask them to tell you about the hurt they feel as you seek immediate professional help for them.
Suicide is the result of inaccurate thinking or a form of mental illness. If an individual was thinking clearly, they would not choose a self-inflicted death.
Death of any type, no matter the cause, creates grief.
A friend of mine told me a story about her son John. He was the kid that brought home lost animals and begged to keep them. He had a very compassionate and tender heart. One day she was standing near a window at the front of the house when she saw her son walking down the street with a cat in his arms. The cat was not too happy to be carried, as John was holding the cat tightly to his the upper body. John walked with determination toward home with the cat wiggling in his arms...
Open and Closed Adoptions are defined by state legislation, adoption agencies, legal advisors’, as well as in the minds of the families who are involved. Depending on who you talk to, you may get different answers. Generally, the term Open Adoption means that there is some communication between the three points of the adoption triad – the biological parent, the child and the adoptive parent(s).
A Closed Adoption usually means that parental rights for the biological parent have been terminated...
A few weeks ago I was with my family in Frisco, TX escaping Hurricane Harvey. That week was a whirlwind of emotions. Every day we were bombarded with images that reminded us of how very uncertain our future so often is. That deep and ongoing uncertainty is an emotion I am all too familiar with; as a birthmother blessed with an open adoption, the feelings were very similar...